"More of your conversation would infect my brain." -William Shakespeare in Coriolanus Act II, scene i

Monday, August 09, 2010

I only eat hot dogs.

[In the grocery store]

Woman 1: Want some Vienna sausages?
Woman 2: Hell no! What kind of person do you think I am?!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

P-p-p-party every day.

Guy: If I were a student representative, I would put every kind of alcohol on tap.
Girl: I think every room should just have a well-stocked minibar.
Guy: Yeah, for sure...wait, minibar? No. Megabar.

- The Grill

Sunday, September 20, 2009


"Quit calling me a retarded!"

- Dorm

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Unlike semicolons.

"I don't want my commas on crack. I want them to know what the hell they're doing."

- Walnut House

Very scientific.

"I think you would have to write his douche factor in scientific notation because it's too big to fit on the page."

- Post Office Porch

Friday, August 14, 2009

Guy: Can I tell you guys a secret? On the walk back from [restaurant], these skinny jeans kinda made me leak pee a little bit. And then I peed for like five minutes.

Sunday, January 25, 2009


"Don't make that pouting face at me. It doesn't work. It just makes you look like a puppy, which makes me want to kick you in the face."


It's love.

Man [to wife]: Who said I was a conservative anyway? You, you liberal whack-job! Anyway, I was just coming in here to check on you. Make sure you're doing alright.

- First Block

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Don't EVEN go there..

"Don't you make me snap my fingers in a z formation!!"

-Late-evening Banter

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Even babies.

Girl 1: Don't eat that!
Kid 1: But, I'm a puppy!
Kid 2: Puppies don't eat babies!
Kid 1: Puppies eat anything! Even babies.

-Sunday School,
Contributed by Candace

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Rejection via sandwich

Guy: No one's ever turned my down by giving me a fake phone number. I've just ended up making a lot of calls to Quizno's...


That's one idea.

[A large, extended family is having dinner. Everyone is awkwardly silent.]
Man [suddenly]: Well, we could pick somebody and do an intervention.



Guy: I don't think I want to quit eating until I get some meatloaf.

-Late at Night


Girl: But...how would you know it was us!?
Guy: Who else would bring an air horn to a symphony?!


There's the word.

Girl 1: [Boy], you're really taking AP History?
Guy: Yes, I am. How dare you doubt my...my...um...crap, what's the word? It's...it's...AGH!
Girl 2:...'Intelligence'?
Guy: Yeah! That's it! I never would have thought of that...you saved me!

-Academic Team

Thursday, November 13, 2008

...and now for what's happening in your neck of the woods.

Guy: Do you remember back in September when Russia invaded Georgia?
Girl: Yes.
Guy: Yeah, when I heard that I was freaking out because I thought Russia had invaded the Georgia in the United States. A week later, I saw a map of Russia and Georgia on the television and figured out that Georgia was also a country... haha.
Girl: You went for a week thinking that the Russians had invaded Atlanta?!
Guy: Yeah, I just figured it was not a very big invasion. I thought that if it had been significant, it would have been on the Today show!

-Academic Team Practice

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Truth or Myth?

[Students are discussing bringing a Thanksgiving dinner to school.]
Girl 1: I can make mashed potatoes.
Girl 2: ...and I'll bring dressing!
Guy: I'll bring the cranberry sauce... and the coffee, because we all know how the pilgrims loved to sit around and drink coffee with Sasquatch.

-Spanish III

Friday, November 07, 2008

Eavesdroppers Turns Two

November 7, 2006, Eavesdroppers began.
Two years, 527 posts, and 22, 951 hits later, the time has come for an Eavesdroppers revival.
Beginning today, quotes will be posted more frequently than they have been of late.
Thanks again to all of you who've been a part of these two great years.
Eavesdrop on!
R. Burns

Monday, October 20, 2008

A state is a state.

Customer: I'd like a ticket for "Hollywood Chihuahua".
Daughter: It's called "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", Mom.
Customer: Who cares? A state is a state.

-Movie Theater, Contributed by Trevor

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tree jokes!

Girl: [Boy], you just aren't very wise.
Boy: I am very wise!
Girl: Okay, I'll take it back. You're a total sage.
Boy: Well if I'm a sage...then you're a...birch.
Girl: Oho. First tree joke of the year!

-AP Political Science