eavesdroppers

I only eat hot dogs.

2010-08-09T09:53:00.002-04:00

[In the grocery store]

Woman 1: Want some Vienna sausages?
Woman 2: Hell no! What kind of person do you think I am?!

P-p-p-party every day.

2009-09-23T16:40:00.002-04:00

Guy: If I were a student representative, I would put every kind of alcohol on tap.
Girl: I think every room should just have a well-stocked minibar.
Guy: Yeah, for sure...wait, minibar? No. Megabar.

- The Grill

Umm....

2009-09-20T21:26:00.002-04:00

"Quit calling me a retarded!"

- Dorm

Unlike semicolons.

2009-09-19T18:38:00.001-04:00

"I don't want my commas on crack. I want them to know what the hell they're doing."

- Walnut House

Very scientific.

2009-09-19T18:37:00.002-04:00

"I think you would have to write his douche factor in scientific notation because it's too big to fit on the page."

- Post Office Porch

2009-08-14T14:04:00.001-04:00

Guy: Can I tell you guys a secret? On the walk back from [restaurant], these skinny jeans kinda made me leak pee a little bit. And then I peed for like five minutes.

Pouting.

2009-01-25T21:05:00.001-05:00

"Don't make that pouting face at me. It doesn't work. It just makes you look like a puppy, which makes me want to kick you in the face."

-Orchestra

It's love.

2009-01-25T21:04:00.001-05:00

Man [to wife]: Who said I was a conservative anyway? You, you liberal whack-job! Anyway, I was just coming in here to check on you. Make sure you're doing alright.

- First Block

Don't EVEN go there..

2009-01-20T22:02:00.002-05:00

"Don't you make me snap my fingers in a z formation!!"

-Late-evening Banter

Even babies.

2009-01-14T20:38:00.001-05:00

Girl 1: Don't eat that!
Kid 1: But, I'm a puppy!
Kid 2: Puppies don't eat babies!
Kid 1: Puppies eat anything! Even babies.

-Sunday School,
Contributed by Candace

Rejection via sandwich

2009-01-08T19:15:00.001-05:00

Guy: No one's ever turned my down by giving me a fake phone number. I've just ended up making a lot of calls to Quizno's...

-Party

That's one idea.

2009-01-08T19:13:00.001-05:00

[A large, extended family is having dinner. Everyone is awkwardly silent.]
Man [suddenly]: Well, we could pick somebody and do an intervention.

-Christmas

Omnomnommm.

2009-01-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

Guy: I don't think I want to quit eating until I get some meatloaf.

-Late at Night

Symphonic.

2009-01-08T19:10:00.000-05:00

Girl: But...how would you know it was us!?
Guy: Who else would bring an air horn to a symphony?!

-School

There's the word.

2009-01-08T19:08:00.000-05:00

Girl 1: [Boy], you're really taking AP History?
Guy: Yes, I am. How dare you doubt my...my...um...crap, what's the word? It's...it's...AGH!
Girl 2:...'Intelligence'?
Guy: Yeah! That's it! I never would have thought of that...you saved me!

-Academic Team

...and now for what's happening in your neck of the woods.

2008-11-13T18:37:00.003-05:00

Guy: Do you remember back in September when Russia invaded Georgia?
Girl: Yes.
Guy: Yeah, when I heard that I was freaking out because I thought Russia had invaded the Georgia in the United States. A week later, I saw a map of Russia and Georgia on the television and figured out that Georgia was also a country... haha.
Girl: You went for a week thinking that the Russians had invaded Atlanta?!
Guy: Yeah, I just figured it was not a very big invasion. I thought that if it had been significant, it would have been on the Today show!

-Academic Team Practice

Truth or Myth?

2008-11-12T18:33:00.001-05:00

[Students are discussing bringing a Thanksgiving dinner to school.]

Girl 1: I can make mashed potatoes.
Girl 2: ...and I'll bring dressing!
Guy: I'll bring the cranberry sauce... and the coffee, because we all know how the pilgrims loved to sit around and drink coffee with Sasquatch.

-Spanish III

Eavesdroppers Turns Two

2008-11-07T18:22:00.003-05:00

November 7, 2006, Eavesdroppers began.

Two years, 527 posts, and 22, 951 hits later, the time has come for an Eavesdroppers revival.

Beginning today, quotes will be posted more frequently than they have been of late.

Thanks again to all of you who've been a part of these two great years.

Eavesdrop on!

R. Burns

Maggini-in-Tweed

Offshelf

A state is a state.

2008-10-20T21:11:00.002-04:00

Customer: I'd like a ticket for "Hollywood Chihuahua".
Daughter: It's called "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", Mom.
Customer: Who cares? A state is a state.

-Movie Theater, Contributed by Trevor

Tree jokes!

2008-10-15T14:43:00.002-04:00

Girl: [Boy], you just aren't very wise.
Boy: I am very wise!
Girl: Okay, I'll take it back. You're a total sage.
Boy: Well if I'm a sage...then you're a...birch.
Girl: Oho. First tree joke of the year!

-AP Political Science

The thought that counts.

2008-10-08T17:29:00.002-04:00

[Girl is in the hospital after having her appendix removed, and her boyfriend comes to visit.]

Guy: Aww... I'm so sorry you're feeling bad.
Girl: Thanks...
Guy: I went to go get you some flowers, but then I saw how much they cost and decided I need gas money more.

-Hospital

How sweet.

2008-10-04T18:10:00.003-04:00

Guy: Aww...don't you just love to see fat people happy? I mean, I do. Until I remember how sad and alone and skinny I am.

-Cinema 8

Sounds amaaaazing.

2008-10-02T17:15:00.001-04:00

Girl: I met the hottest guy the other day. I mean...he looked just like Gandhi.

- Contributed by Rachel

So was that a yes?

2008-09-27T00:13:00.002-04:00

Girl: So I'll probably have to shoot this guy who's stalking me. But then he'll wake up in the hospital and be like, "So was that a yes?"

-Concert

Very Medieval.

2008-09-24T14:55:00.001-04:00

Guy: So we used to always go in Walmart and we'd get those...pool noodles. And we'd get bicycles. And you know what we did? We jousted. Yeah...

-O'Charley's

No sense.

2008-09-19T22:31:00.002-04:00

[Family eating at dinner table.]
Guy: Hey Mom, don't you think it'd be ironic if this guy Sonny was always thinking about something so that he had a gray cloud that followed him over his head?! I think that'd be pretty ironic...
Mom: Hmm... Seems to me that if he was always thinking something he'd have a lightbulb instead.
[Family eats in silence for a few seconds.]
Guy: No, that really just doesn't make any sense at all.

-Dinner

If you say so.

2008-09-06T21:49:00.002-04:00

"No! Don't take my sunglasses! I need them because I'm deaf!"

-Hallway

...yes, yes that IS true....

2008-08-19T14:45:00.002-04:00

Lady: If that snake bites me one more time, I am going to throw that snake in the road and see if it can get itself to the other side. It'll be like Frogger
Guy: Without the frog.
[Pause]
Girl: Or the GER!!

- Livingroom

Nothing personal.

2008-08-17T16:40:00.002-04:00

"It's nothing personal...I just REALLY can't stand her."

-AP Political Science

Twelve.

2008-08-12T21:44:00.002-04:00

"One day, he asked me how old you had to be to legally buy pot. I'm like 'Dude, it's illegal no matter how old you are.' I mean...he is so stupid."

-Living Room

Crazy indeed.

2008-08-11T15:30:00.001-04:00

"Did you know that you can't buy babies on eBay? That's crazy! I mean, I looked and looked...and you just can't..."

-AP Political Science

IT's going to eat YOU.

2008-08-05T11:28:00.003-04:00

[A bus of scholars is passing a Long John Silver's. They have an advertisement for a "Monster Fish Basket."]
Girl: What...what is a...monster fish? That sounds terrifying.

-Bus

You're the first to notice!

2008-08-03T12:33:00.002-04:00

"I don't think Obama should be allowed to run for president. I mean...he's like...not even American. I heard he was from Hawaii or something."

- Lunch

Drama!

2008-07-26T20:14:00.000-04:00

Girl 1: It's less fun than a nursing home in here.
Girl 2: Hey...nursing homes can be fun...
Girl 3: Yeah...especially when you meet some crazy old woman who thinks you're her son and she throws apple juice all over you...

-Dorm Lobby

See the parallels?

2008-07-21T17:01:00.003-04:00

(On the way to a Buddhist Zen Center)
Girl 1: So what do you expect here?
Guy: I'm expecting to see a bunch of bald guys in orange.
Girl 2: Um...We're not going to prison...

-On the Van

Oooo...Math Fight.

2008-07-16T15:33:00.004-04:00

[A table is discussing angles in radians and degrees. They have a dispute.]
Guy: I still hold dear to my heart that 2 pi is 360 degrees, NOT 0 degrees.
Girl: I think that 2 pi is yummy. By 2 pi, I'm half full.

-Dining Hall

...or that.

2008-07-14T19:58:00.002-04:00

Driver: I figured I would pick you up around quarter til nine. I think that that should give us plenty of time.
Girl: Oh, really? We left a LOT earlier than that last year.
Driver: O, gosh. Maybe we should leave earlier. When did you leave last year?
Girl: We left at 8:45.

- Church

The Real Story

2008-07-14T11:17:00.002-04:00

"Yeah, I know a guy who died from having acid reflux. Well, really he choked. Like...on a piece of ham. But we all know that what really happened was that he OD'd."

-Dorm

How smelly.

2008-07-09T16:38:00.002-04:00

"Was she the one who got a refridgerator that turned out to be a closet...and then she just pretended it was a fridge and put stuff in it anyway?"

- Dorm

What a party...

2008-07-01T15:28:00.000-04:00

Guy: We were playing hide and seek and I was hiding in this closet for like two hours before I realized that everyone had abandoned me to go play dress-up.

-Dining Hall

Enthusiasm!

2008-06-30T16:29:00.001-04:00

"Well...I hate fun. So I am in no way obliged to play that game."

-Dinner

A Most Evil Plot

2008-06-30T16:25:00.002-04:00

"Okay, so everyone always says that at the center of the Earth there's a core. No, there's not. What's actually there is this one HUGE spider called the Mother Spider. And that's where all the spiders in the world come from. And this Mother Spider sends out her smallest children...her Scouts...to try to find me so that the bigger spiders can come and eat me. So whenever you see a spider around me, you have to kill it. Cuz if I kill it, the spiders will smell my scent on the crime scene and they'll know that I did it and they'll hate me even more. And if you don't kill the little Scout spiders that come for me, the bigger ones will come and eat us ALL! This is true...really. I couldn't make this up. No...I WOULDN'T make this up."

-Walking to Breakfast

A Most Horrible Death

2008-06-27T17:51:00.002-04:00

Girl 1: My neighbor - she's really old - she once dried her cat in the clothes dryer!
Girl 2: Did it kill it?
Girl 1: Yes, it killed it! How could it not?
Girl 2: I don't know, maybe if it was on "Tumble Dry Low" or something... it might've lived.
Girl 1: No... and she said she had cat hair all over her clothes forever.

-The walk to lunch

How fortunate.

2008-06-23T16:46:00.001-04:00

Woman: Last time we went on a school trip you went chasing after a homeless man!
Man: And I caught him too!

-Contributed by Rachel

Call it illegal, if you must...

2008-06-21T14:47:00.000-04:00

[During a sermon]
Preacher: I used to pick up hitchhikers and try to save them. Sometimes I would even try to keep them in my car until they accepted Christ. But that's called... um... illegal...

-Contributed by Rachel

Wise Choice

2008-06-18T08:30:00.001-04:00

"Someone asked me if I'd rather take a three-year shower or get hit in the head with a crowbar three times randomly throughout my life. Needless to say, I picked the crowbar."

-Dinner

Family Night

2008-06-17T21:24:00.001-04:00

Mother: On Friday night we're having a mandatory family dinner.
Daughter: Who's Amanda...?

-Contributed by Nathan

Happiness is...

2008-06-15T13:09:00.001-04:00

Girl: I have NO money. Seriously, I have like one dollar.
Guy: Wow...my pants have more money than you.
Girl: But are they happier?!
Guy: Uh...probably. They sure do get to spend a lot of time with me...

-Kitchen

Yes - Exhibit A.

2008-06-11T18:20:00.002-04:00

[Guy is wearing a pinstriped shirt with pinstriped shorts. He approaches Girl, and motions to his outfit.]
Guy: Am I wearing too many pinstripes? Or shall we first address the more pressing question...Is there such a thing as wearing too many pinstripes?

-Upstairs

Hypocrisy most foul.

2008-06-02T16:07:00.005-04:00

[Guy is rummaging in the fridge and talking to Girl on the phone.]
Guy: Oh! Juice! I love juice!
Girl: Cool.
Guy: Wait...it's empty. What kind of loser would put an empty juice carton back in the fridge?!
[A noise is heard.]
Girl: You just put it back in the fridge, didn't you?
Guy: Um...yeah.

- Kitchen

Organization.

2008-05-31T23:09:00.005-04:00

[In the kitchen]

Girl 1: Why are you doing digging through the bread box?
Girl 2: Looking for batteries!
Girl 3: Batteries in the bread box?!
Girl 2: That's where all of our batteries are. We keep the bread in the microwave!

-Party

Chalk one up to confusion.

2008-05-30T21:02:00.002-04:00

[People are discussing the elections]

Lady: Well, I mean I just can't vote for him. His name is Osama. That is the same as that terrorist guy. Crazy, I know.

- Office

Yeah....

2008-05-30T20:55:00.002-04:00

[Woman calls in to the Agriculture Extension Office to ask a question].

Woman: I have a problem.
Guy: What's that?
Woman: Last year I planted seedless watermelons in my garden. They were really good, but now this year, I don't have any seeds to plant. What do I do?!?!
Guy: Well, ma'am, you could go back to where you bought the first seeds and get more.
Woman: Oh. Well, damn.

- Phone (Extension Office)

Latenight.

2008-05-28T01:14:00.001-04:00

Girl 1: He says he's anti-hunger. Honestly, who is PRO-hunger? Huh?
Girl 2: Yeah he's like "Oh, I'm anti-hunnnger." Oh, yeah...you're a good man, Charlie Brown.

-Latenight

Who knows.

2008-05-24T01:29:00.002-04:00

Guy: I just don't know why you'd want to paint a self portrait of me.

-Late

That can be arranged for you.

2008-05-22T21:52:00.002-04:00

"I know it's weird and stuff, but I'm just going to throw this out there. I think people with black eyes are...just...like...so cool. Like...battle scarred or something."

-Basement

Interesting...

2008-05-21T16:23:00.001-04:00

Girl: Yeah, I have a Spitz puppy. My mom bought it from a dog shelter run by Eskimos in Florida. They sent it UPS.

-Precal

How unfortunate.

2008-05-21T16:22:00.001-04:00

Girl: My feet just get uglier and uglier every year.

-Party

Sandwich Friend!

2008-05-17T08:35:00.002-04:00

Sandwich Friend: Well, I was going to go live in the woods. Like be a hermit and be kinda crazy. I had my tent and my backpack and all that and I was going out the door and then my parents were just like "Whoa! You're going to boot camp!" So I did that instead.

-Cafeteria

Some party.

2008-05-17T08:34:00.002-04:00

Girl 1: How did you cut your finger?
Girl 2: Well, I was at my friend's birthday party and she decided she wanted to cut up some Barbies.

-Chamber Group

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T10:09:00.002-04:00

Man: It's Mothers Day today. So tell your Mom all about your thoughts and hopes and dreams and all that crap.

-Sunday Morning

Like marriage or something.

2008-05-10T17:15:00.001-04:00

Guy: So I'm trying to choose my roommate for college...and there's this one guy I might request, but...but I don't know. I mean...this is way more serious than asking someone out. I have to be with them for a YEAR! This is like...marriage or something. So be serious.

Broke.

2008-05-07T16:05:00.002-04:00

Girl: One time, I dared this little kid to eat a woolly worm on the school bus. He did it for a quarter. Greenish-yellow blood squirted all over the inside of his mouth-- it was sick. I didn't give him my quarter, though... ha!

- H. Chem I

I am what I am!!

2008-05-07T16:02:00.002-04:00

Girl: I don't go to the tanning bed or anything. I always think, "If God wanted me to be that tan, he would have made me a Puerto Rican."
Guy: That's racist!
Girl: No it isn't! If God had wanted me to be prejudice, I would have been born a Nazi!!

-H. Chem I

Take that.

2008-05-04T21:25:00.001-04:00

Man: I believe that kids on the internet will be the downfall of Western civilization...
Girl: Well... I believe the ballpoint pen is the downfall of Western civilization!!

- Sunday dinner

The Unfortunate Tale of Furd

2008-05-04T19:15:00.001-04:00

Guy: So there was this bird that kept coming to our dorm window so we named it Furd cuz it was a freaky bird. But then...you know how puppies are so cute that you want to squeeze them?
Girl: ...Yeah.
Guy: Well, we decided to catch Furd so we could treat him like a puppy.
Girl: How did you do that?
Guy: Um...mouse trap.

-Dessert

Nicknames abound.

2008-04-25T19:19:00.001-04:00

Girl: Yeah, when I have kids they're going to have cool names. Like...you know, those organic names. Where you name your babies after flowers and trees and animals. I'll have daughters named Daffodil and Dandelion and a son named Snapdragon.

- Testing Groups

....buuuuurn

2008-04-24T09:56:00.001-04:00

Guy: Let me touch it.
Girl: That's what SHE said.
Guy: Yeah....but not to YOU.

- Car

How romantic.

2008-04-17T17:01:00.001-04:00

Guy: I wanted to prove to her that I really loved her, so I let her put her cigarette out on my arm.

- Hallway, Before 1st Block

She's on cupcakes.

2008-04-16T21:05:00.002-04:00

[Girls are looking at pictures of fellow students hanging in the hallway.]
Girl 1: That one looks like her parents did crack. And that one...well, she just looks like her parents did Twinkies.

-D Hall, 3rd Block

Might be useful...

2008-04-14T16:48:00.002-04:00

Student: Yeah, I studied for this chemistry quiz during church.
Teacher: Good. You'll know all about polyatomic ions...in Hell!

-Honors Chemistry

Giving us a good name...

2008-04-08T20:45:00.001-04:00

[Students are talking.]
Teacher: Now...Let's not talk about killing your parents!
Girl: Killing your parents! But we're Americans! It's what we DO! Man, I love being an American.

-Honors English III

Maps?

2008-04-03T23:33:00.001-04:00

Guy 1: The Jews have had a rough time of it.
Guy 2: Yeah, so have the Polish.
Guy 1: But that is just because they are Russian.

- Phone

That makes it better, I suppose.

2008-03-28T17:19:00.002-04:00

[Guy says something horrible.]
Girl: You just have no soul!
Guy: Yes I do - I have a kitten. Wanna see a picture?

Indeed it is.....

2008-03-27T22:11:00.001-04:00

Guy: There school is so much worser than ours is!

- Phone

Actually, he's a figment of my imagination.

2008-03-27T18:09:00.002-04:00

Girl: I'm going to cut your head off and feed it to my cat! Actually, I don't have a cat. Actually, I do. Actually, his name's Tom, but I haven't seen him for 2 months.

- H. English III

Destrooooooy!

2008-03-27T16:30:00.001-04:00

[Girl and Guy are talking on the phone, about something mildly normal.]
Guy [suddenly]: DESTROY!!!!!!!!!!! Oh...sorry...I got too excited.

- Phone

Next it'll be "the flu" or something...

2008-03-26T17:22:00.001-04:00

"Now he's just making up diseases to skip school. Like 'pneumonia'. What the heck is pneumonia?!"

-Hallway, Before 1st Block

Mhmm.

2008-03-25T15:50:00.002-04:00

Girl: So one time I was eating popcorn in my room and and I threw a piece into the air to catch it in my mouth but dropped it behind me so I reached back there and picked up what I thought was popcorn but it was like dirt or poop or something off my boot and that's when I started throwing up and my friend was like, "Chocolate?! Where did you get chocolate!? You didn't tell me you had that, I want some!"

- Honors English III

What is next, the Easter Bunny isn't REAL?!?!?!

2008-03-23T21:52:00.003-04:00

Teacher: I brought you Easter candy. Wait - can I say that? Yeah, I guess I can, it is just a holiday. It isn't religious.

- AP English

That would help.....

2008-03-22T22:07:00.001-04:00

Lady: What is Susan's last name?
Guy: Susan who?

- Dinner

Perhaps.

2008-03-20T18:32:00.001-04:00

[Guy is mumbling, and Girl cannot understand him.]
Girl: Ugh, you have a serious problem with diction.
Guy: Oh my gosh...Is that like a disease or something?!

Void.

2008-03-19T20:58:00.003-04:00

[Two High School boys are talking.]
Guy 1: So you're going to go see your girlfriend...at the MIDDLE school?
Guy 2: Uh...yeah.
Guy 1: Ew, she's like in eighth or seventh or sixth grade....
Guy 2: Yeah, but she is HOT.
Guy 1: Dude, that doesn't matter. You have...facial hair! That makes her hotness void.

- Band Hall

Which Story?

2008-03-19T20:56:00.002-04:00

"That's such a funny story! That's one of those stories that when you go home and eat macaroni later you won't be able to help but laugh and laugh and laugh. Ha!"

- Honors English III

Good plan.

2008-03-15T14:54:00.001-04:00

Guy 1: Did you just...eat that cheeseburger whole?
Guy 2: Yeah.
[awkward pause]
Guy 2: Let's go do something stupid.

-House Party, Contributed by Libby
We love contributions. Seriously, contribute.
Do it here.

...you freak of nature.

2008-03-13T15:26:00.002-04:00

Girl 1: Here's something I bet you can't do! No one could do it at school today. No one!
Girl 2: What is it?
Girl 1: Try sitting on the floor, twirling your foot in a circle, and drawing a figure eight in the air with your finger.
[Girl 2 immediately starts to do so with ease.]
Girl 1: Wow! That is so weird! Oh my gosh, can you lick your elbow?!?

-Late at Night

He was the greatest.

2008-03-12T22:24:00.003-04:00

Girl: Yeah, I LOVE Amish people. One time, I even taught this Amish kid how to play Halo. It was SO cool. Yeah, so was he. He had like these little black pants and this little black hat and stuff and he even had a cast on his arm from where he fell down from the barn loft...

-Honors English III

Errors in Translation

2008-03-10T18:53:00.005-04:00

Teacher: So sine, cosine, and tangent are the three main things to know in trigonometry. (Writing on board) Sine is opposite over hypotenuse (o/h). Cosine is adjacent over hypotenuse (a/h), and tangent is opposite over adjacent (o/a).
Student: Can't you remember it by saying "so cah toa?"
Teacher: Yes, but I don't like that. It doesn't make any sense...
Korean Exchange Student: Is that English?!

-Precalculus

Love, Peace, and Protest.

2008-03-07T21:47:00.006-05:00

Daughter: Wake up, Dad! Look at this show that's just come on television. They say they're gonna relive the 1960s!
Dad: In that case, I'll just go back to sleep.

-Living Room

A real catch.

2008-03-06T09:20:00.002-05:00

[Kindergarten student, to Sunday school teacher]

Student: Guess what!?
Teacher: What?
Student: I've got a girlfriend.
Teacher: Really?
Student: Yeah, you want to know where she lives?
Teacher: Sure.
Student: You know that road where I live?
Teacher: Yes.
Student: Do you know that house with all the junk in the yard?
Teacher: Yes, I'm afraid so.
Student: Well that's where she lives.

-Sunday School

Of course that's the reason.

2008-03-03T15:57:00.002-05:00

"Yeah, we don't even have all the right household products to make a bomb at my house. I think it's because I was homeschooled."

-Second Block

Pardon?

2008-03-01T19:09:00.002-05:00

Student: Man, Mark Twain was a drunk!!
Teacher: I don't know about that, but a lot of writers were: Ernest Hemingway, Poe...
Student: What?! The Pope was a drunk!?

- English II

A political statement...?

2008-02-22T15:27:00.001-05:00

Girl: You know what? I don't like Sweden...
Guy: Well, get ready, because that's what this place is going to be like when Obama's through with it.
Girl: What?!?

-Near School

True Ambition

2008-02-21T16:32:00.003-05:00

[Guy has just woken up after a long nap.]
Guy: I think I'm going to seize the day now.
Girl: Cool...how are you going to do that?
Guy: I have a box of Reese's Puffs that really needs to be finished.

-Late Afternoon

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T17:17:00.001-05:00

Girl 1: So, my boyfriend got me flowers and a teddy bear and this huge thing of chocolate...and he made me a card and got me clothes and CDs...Oh, I love him SO much!
Girl 2: How nice...what did you get him?
Girl 1: Um...a case of beer.
Girl 2: Aha.

Hmm...

2008-02-13T17:21:00.001-05:00

"I have a great idea. They should make soft pretzels that are covered in chocolate. And they should come with...with...dipping cheeses!"

-Kitchen

Too Much Technology

2008-02-10T17:49:00.001-05:00

[Guy has just bought Grandad a GPS tracking system for Christmas.]

Guy: Look, Grandad! It's a GPS system. Now you can save all your favorite fishing locations! Isn't that great?
Grandad: Huh?
Guy: When you find a fishing site you like, you can save the location so you can find it later.
Grandad: I don't understand! Save it from what?!

-Contributed by Ada

Oh...really?

2008-02-06T18:15:00.000-05:00

Girl 1: Oh, hello, I don't think we've officially met.
Girl 2: Yeah, but I've seen your underwear though.

-Contributed by Rachel

Take that.

2008-01-30T16:57:00.001-05:00

Girl: Yeah, he got really mad when I hit him in the teeth with a quarter.
Guy: Ouch...that's like George Washington coming up and biting you in the face.

-Future Problem Solving

That's a thinker...

2008-01-29T17:06:00.000-05:00

Girl 1: [Girl 2], I have a very VERY important question to ask you.
Girl 2: Go ahead.
Girl 1: Okay...Can a woolly worm wear a turtleneck?!

-Honors English III