Woman 1: Want some Vienna sausages?
Woman 2: Hell no! What kind of person do you think I am?!
overheard by r. burns at 9:53 AM 46 comments
Guy: If I were a student representative, I would put every kind of alcohol on tap.
Girl: I think every room should just have a well-stocked minibar.
Guy: Yeah, for sure...wait, minibar? No. Megabar.
overheard by maggini in tweed at 4:40 PM 79 comments
"I don't want my commas on crack. I want them to know what the hell they're doing."
overheard by maggini in tweed at 6:38 PM 2 comments
"I think you would have to write his douche factor in scientific notation because it's too big to fit on the page."
overheard by maggini in tweed at 6:37 PM 0 comments
Guy: Can I tell you guys a secret? On the walk back from [restaurant], these skinny jeans kinda made me leak pee a little bit. And then I peed for like five minutes.
overheard by offshelf at 2:04 PM 0 comments
"Don't make that pouting face at me. It doesn't work. It just makes you look like a puppy, which makes me want to kick you in the face."
overheard by maggini in tweed at 9:05 PM 1 comments
Man [to wife]: Who said I was a conservative anyway? You, you liberal whack-job! Anyway, I was just coming in here to check on you. Make sure you're doing alright.
overheard by maggini in tweed at 9:04 PM 0 comments
"Don't you make me snap my fingers in a z formation!!"
overheard by r. burns at 10:02 PM 1 comments
Girl 1: Don't eat that!
Kid 1: But, I'm a puppy!
Kid 2: Puppies don't eat babies!
Kid 1: Puppies eat anything! Even babies.
overheard by maggini in tweed at 8:38 PM 2 comments
Guy: No one's ever turned my down by giving me a fake phone number. I've just ended up making a lot of calls to Quizno's...
overheard by maggini in tweed at 7:15 PM 1 comments
[A large, extended family is having dinner. Everyone is awkwardly silent.]
Man [suddenly]: Well, we could pick somebody and do an intervention.
overheard by maggini in tweed at 7:13 PM 1 comments
Guy: I don't think I want to quit eating until I get some meatloaf.
overheard by maggini in tweed at 7:11 PM 0 comments
Girl: But...how would you know it was us!?
Guy: Who else would bring an air horn to a symphony?!
overheard by maggini in tweed at 7:10 PM 0 comments
Girl 1: [Boy], you're really taking AP History?
Guy: Yes, I am. How dare you doubt my...my...um...crap, what's the word? It's...it's...AGH!
Girl 2:...'Intelligence'?
Guy: Yeah! That's it! I never would have thought of that...you saved me!
overheard by maggini in tweed at 7:08 PM 0 comments
Guy: Do you remember back in September when Russia invaded Georgia?
Girl: Yes.
Guy: Yeah, when I heard that I was freaking out because I thought Russia had invaded the Georgia in the United States. A week later, I saw a map of Russia and Georgia on the television and figured out that Georgia was also a country... haha.
Girl: You went for a week thinking that the Russians had invaded Atlanta?!
Guy: Yeah, I just figured it was not a very big invasion. I thought that if it had been significant, it would have been on the Today show!
overheard by r. burns at 6:37 PM 1 comments
overheard by r. burns at 6:33 PM 0 comments
overheard by r. burns at 6:22 PM 4 comments
Customer: I'd like a ticket for "Hollywood Chihuahua".
Daughter: It's called "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", Mom.
Customer: Who cares? A state is a state.
overheard by maggini in tweed at 9:11 PM 3 comments
Girl: [Boy], you just aren't very wise.
Boy: I am very wise!
Girl: Okay, I'll take it back. You're a total sage.
Boy: Well if I'm a sage...then you're a...birch.
Girl: Oho. First tree joke of the year!
overheard by maggini in tweed at 2:43 PM 7 comments