Hope you're not too hungry.

Girl: Gross! There's cancer in my mashed potatoes!

-Cafeteria

I guess that would make sense...

"At the farmer's market, none of the kids wear shoes...except the ones that are inbred and have deformed feet..."

-On the Phone

Green, with ham....

{Breakfast}

Guy 1: How do you like your eggs?
Guy 2: Aborted.

We won't be partying at your house anytime soon...

[A scream is heard in the distance]
Girl 1: Hmmm...either it's a party or someone's been murdered.
Girl 2: Why can't it be both?!

-Chamber group

Elaborate...wait, don't.

"I wanna go pet that weiner dog...that reminds me of Star Trek, actually....."

-The Park

Counting isn't a scholar's specialty.

[At Rogers Scholars, we're playing a game where "Retailers" have to buy candy from the "Manufacturers" and resell it.]

Retailer: I'll give you one dollar for three pieces.
Manufacturer: No, that's not enough.
Retailer [keen on the joke]: Alright, then, how about two dollars for six pieces?
Manufacturer: That's more like it.

- Rogers Scholars

Much better.

[Woman is on the phone, in line at the register.]
Woman: An apple Danish?! Apple?! That's not...Oh, cheese? Now that's more like it!

-Kroger

Illiterate...and now thirsty...

[Girls are talking about food allergies.]
Girl 1: What if you can't read the ingredients on the side of your juicebox?
Girl 2: If you can't read then you shouldn't be allowed to drink anything.

-Breakfast

Weird? Noooo....

"Yeah, I'm pretty weird. Sometimes I use hand sanitizer to clean public toilet seats."

- Bathroom

Take that, poor hungry people. Oh, sorry.

"Nobody cares about Ethiopia. Give them a donut and they'll be fine for a year. [pause] I can't believe I just said that."

-Cafeteria [dinner]

Master Storyteller

Girl: People I know call me all the time. Like, one night at like, 4 AM this guy, Ryan called me. He was like, "What are you doing?" I was like, "I'm in bed, dude." He was like, "I'm in your pool, how do you turn the jets on?" I said, "Are you serious?! You idiot, it's four in the morning!"

[This rambling carried on for and undetermined amount of time.]

- Hotel Lobby

Wrong answer.

Girl: Daddy, does this shirt make me look fat?
Daddy: No...your fat makes you look fat.

-Girl's House, Contributed by Girl

Your constant practice gave you brain damage.

Guy: Ugh...we have three hours of band practice tonight.
Girl: What time?
Guy: From seven to nine.
Girl: Um...that's only 2.
Guy: No...seven to eight, eight to nine...[long pause]...oh...yeah.

-Cafeteria

How endearing.

"So this girl walks up to me and was talking to me and all of a sudden I was just like 'Why are you talking to me? You're ugly. Go away.'"

- Dorm Hallway

An Independent Celebration....

Girl: Well, I guess they don't have a 4th of July, like, in Japan.

Happy 4th worldwide, and happy Independence Day in the US.....

Also, 10,000!!!!!!!!!!!! Horray for Independent blogging!!!!!

Plato, god of the underworld

Girl 1[doing a crossword]: Who is Pluto?
Girl 2: If you don't know, you're hopeless.
Girl 1: Why?
Girl 2: He was a philosopher guy.
Girl 1: No, Pluto.
Girl 2: Yeah.

- Farmers' Market

Math isn't important to be a SCHOLAR!!!!

{At GSP}

Guy: What is your phone number?
Girl: Guess it.
Guy: Yeah - like that's possible.
Girl: It is only 7 digits - well, 12 if you add an area code.

Hmmm...let's think on that one.

[Cafeteria is crowded and noisy.]
Guy: Everybody shut up!!! We're calling Quaker Oats to find out what oats are made of!

-Camp Cafeteria

The good old days back in the asylum...

[4 Girls are walking in Walmart. Girl 1 is marvelling at the white ceilings and floors.]
Girl 1: Oh! I love white. It reminds me of asylums and that just makes me giddy.

-Walmart

...and Winn Dixie.

Guy 1: Walmart is going to buy the United Nations and become the antichrist!
Guy 2: Screw Walmart! Bring back the Piggly Wiggly.

-Classroom

contributed by stacy