You can't ride in my little red wagon...

Girl: Ugh. I need a wagon to carry my stomach now.

- After lunch

Sharing is caring.

[After reading an ad for puppies in the newspaper, an elderly woman calls to investigate.]

Woman: I really would like to buy one of your pups. Where are you all from, again?
Man: [Town A].
Woman: Well, I'm in [Town B], and that's an awful long way to drive. My son-in-law would bring me, but he died last week.
Man [startled]: Well, um... Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

-Telephone

Try a limo, perhaps.

Girl: Dad, I want a truck.
Father: Why, because you can't fit in a car?

-Submitted by Stacy

"I'll hold."

[Two elderly women are talking on the telephone.]

Woman: Oh, you're dying? I'll hold on.

submitted by booklover95

Were you dropped on your head while reading that??

{At lunch, discussing the possibilities for summer AP English assignments.}

Guy 1: So, what are you going to read for English this summer?
Guy 2: I am looking at The Sound and the Fury, All the King's Men, and -
Guy 3: (Interrupting) I LOVE Humpty Dumpty!!! (Getting Weird looks) You know - all the king's horses, and all the king's men....???

Regardless, Guy 3 will not be attending AP English Classes.

I smell disgust.

[It is the last day of school, 5 minutes before the bell. Girls 1 & 2 are talking.]
Girl 1: Ooooh...I'm going to miss you SO much! I love you! Have a great summer!
Girl 2: Yeah...you too.
[Girl 1 walks away.]
Girl 2 to friends: EW! She smelled like cheese!!

-Final Lunch

-

That's right...school's over. So we need your contributions more than ever! Have a great summer, all of you - and make sure Eavesdroppers is a part of it.

Now all he needs is a little kitty - gun.....

{Conversation about Halo 3 coming out this fall.}

Teacher: I would never spend that much money on a game.
Guy 1: Guy 2 spent more than that! He spend $130.
Teacher: Why?!?!?
Guy 2: It was a special edition pre-order. And it comes with a helmet!!
Teacher: Are you going to wear it?
Guy 2: (Sadly) No, it won't be big enough.... (a little more excited now) But it should fit my cat!!

Common mistake...

[Girl is flipping through the pages of a book when she comes up on a picture of a wolf.]

Girl: Oh, look! A cat! No, wait. Ugh... I think my tumor is getting bigger.

- Honors Biology

or worse, Bon Jovi....

"I said some thing stupid, and I thought, like, O MY GOSH! What if I had turned around, and Kid Rock had been standing there?!?!?!" -- Subway

But the skinny ones are like birds.

[Guy 1 has just accused Guy 2 of being gay.]
Guy 2: [Guy 1], I don't fly that way.
Guy 3: Only because fat people can't fly!!

-World Civ.

...can't think of any other reason.

Girl: Why is your sister in a wheelchair?
Guy: I don't know, karma, I guess.
Girl: What do you mean?
Guy: Her knee caps are busted. I mean, she punched me in the stomach, somebody busted both her knee caps.

- 3rd Block

It bounced? My, my.

Girl rambling to her posse: ...and I was just, like, wanting to go [Adam's] but do you know what she did?! She told me no and threw a plate at me!! She just threw the plate and it bounced right off my head!

- Lunch

Fries and a drink?

Guy: Man, I wanna eat a hamburger...with...with 2 steaks for buns!

-Hallway, before 1st block

Dragon v. Lion

Guy: You think you're better than me?! Well, you had better think differently because if you were a lion, and I was a zebra, I'd eat you! Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Does anything fight a lion and win? Oh, yeah. If you were a lion and I was a dragon, I'd eat you. There.

- Government

...Or something like that.

"So her house caught on fire...and apparently it like...burned down or something like that...."

-Lunch Line

I should reread that chapter....

Teacher: You all really need to study this stuff. You should know what the Gaza pyramids are!

Some bone marrow might help too.....

Discussing why we can't make water in chemistry.

Teacher: We would need a lot of Platinum too.
Student: (Still on meds from a visit to the dentist) I can get you some of that. I just gave it away last time I gave blood.
Student 2: That is PLASMA.
Student 1: Oh. My mouth hurts....

Stop mumbling.

[Discussing the United States' national anthem.]

Teacher: How many of you all actually know the words?
A few assorted kids: "Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light?..."
Guy 1: Here's something I've always wondered: What does "donderly" mean? I mean, I've never known.

- Government

...or maybe it was a pitchfork.

["Junior" was supposed to show up for detention.]
Teacher 1: Junior supposedly got sick today and can't make it to detention.
Teacher 2 [sarcastically]: Well, how'd he do it this time?
Teacher 1 [walking back into his room]: I don't know, something to do with a sledgehammer.

- Middle School Office

submitted by booklover95

No? How about some sausage links?

[Girl has some bacon bits for her potato, Guy is sitting next to her eating his hamburger.]
Girl: Hey, do you want these bacon bits for your hamburger?

-Cafeteria