Some health freak....

[At a church picnic, 2 people are going through the end of the line.]

Guy: See, the good thing about going through the line last, is that only the healthy stuff is left.
Girl: Yeah, but there isn't anything cheesy!!

- Church Picnic

Oh really?

[Talking about a woman who has been ill.]
"Yes, she's really made a 150-degree turnaround."

-Church Kitchen

Rock on!

[Listening to Flogging Molly, and Irish rock band]
"For some reason, this makes me want to eat a Bloomin' Onion."

-Basement

The question is "How big is the desert?"

Girl: So I was in the hospital to see my granny in the emergency room and I was like 'Daddy! I'm hungry!' And he was like '[Girl], you're like a camel crossing the desert. You don't need any food.'"

-Geometry

I told you not to egg that house...

Guy 1: Ahh!! My skin!!
Guy 2: See... Karma is real.

-Lab at School

contributed by Stacy

Happy birthday [today] to Raaachel, a multiple-time contributor and loyal follower.

What about Jedis?

Girl: Are there such things as ninjas, or are they like vampires?

- Living Room

I sense issues here.

[Someone is playing the piano on the stage in the dark audotorium.]
Girl 1: You can't play the piano in the dark!
Girl 2: You can if you're Beethoven.
Girl 3: No, if you're Helen Keller. Heh. Heh.

-Auditorium

More Geographical Confusion

"You mean they're from India? They're not Asians?"

-Walmart

Today we'd like to wish a happy birthday to Stacy, one of our contributors/followers!

Summer News [well, kind of]

Dear Everyone,

The summer is nearly over...as you might have noticed, the posts have been kind of slow here lately. Since we haven't been in school, we haven't had as much material. We've been relying more than ever upon the posts you've contributed in the About Eavesdroppers Forum.

However, we've finally ended up with enough posts to make it through the summer. We've got a list of posts and a plan, some of which include the contributions. If yours hasn't been included, we'll post it later in the year. That gives you all the more reason to continue visiting!

Thanks to all of you who have added us to your Blogrolls, Myspaces, Facebooks and personal blogs. Your linking brings us more visitors, which is greatly appreciated.

We hope you've had a great summer and thanks for making Eavesdroppers a part of it.

Eavesdrop on...
Maggini in Tweed, R. Burns, and Offshelf

Good luck with that.

Woman 1: Which fan are you using to keep cool in this heat wave?
Woman 2: The fan that can blow the lightbulbs off the table.

-Overheard by Dan Cafe at Work

Mmmmmmm...

"I wish our school food was this good....but it's like refried steak. No, refried chicken steak. Yeah."

-College Cafeteria

Someone call in the political correctness squad!

Guy: I'm gonna go out and shoot some cans. You know, MexiCANS, Puerto RiCANS, and AfriCANS.

-Submitted by Stacy

Hope you're not too hungry.

Girl: Gross! There's cancer in my mashed potatoes!

-Cafeteria

I guess that would make sense...

"At the farmer's market, none of the kids wear shoes...except the ones that are inbred and have deformed feet..."

-On the Phone

Green, with ham....

{Breakfast}

Guy 1: How do you like your eggs?
Guy 2: Aborted.

We won't be partying at your house anytime soon...

[A scream is heard in the distance]
Girl 1: Hmmm...either it's a party or someone's been murdered.
Girl 2: Why can't it be both?!

-Chamber group

Elaborate...wait, don't.

"I wanna go pet that weiner dog...that reminds me of Star Trek, actually....."

-The Park

Counting isn't a scholar's specialty.

[At Rogers Scholars, we're playing a game where "Retailers" have to buy candy from the "Manufacturers" and resell it.]

Retailer: I'll give you one dollar for three pieces.
Manufacturer: No, that's not enough.
Retailer [keen on the joke]: Alright, then, how about two dollars for six pieces?
Manufacturer: That's more like it.

- Rogers Scholars

Much better.

[Woman is on the phone, in line at the register.]
Woman: An apple Danish?! Apple?! That's not...Oh, cheese? Now that's more like it!

-Kroger

Illiterate...and now thirsty...

[Girls are talking about food allergies.]
Girl 1: What if you can't read the ingredients on the side of your juicebox?
Girl 2: If you can't read then you shouldn't be allowed to drink anything.

-Breakfast

Weird? Noooo....

"Yeah, I'm pretty weird. Sometimes I use hand sanitizer to clean public toilet seats."

- Bathroom

Take that, poor hungry people. Oh, sorry.

"Nobody cares about Ethiopia. Give them a donut and they'll be fine for a year. [pause] I can't believe I just said that."

-Cafeteria [dinner]

Master Storyteller

Girl: People I know call me all the time. Like, one night at like, 4 AM this guy, Ryan called me. He was like, "What are you doing?" I was like, "I'm in bed, dude." He was like, "I'm in your pool, how do you turn the jets on?" I said, "Are you serious?! You idiot, it's four in the morning!"

[This rambling carried on for and undetermined amount of time.]

- Hotel Lobby

Wrong answer.

Girl: Daddy, does this shirt make me look fat?
Daddy: No...your fat makes you look fat.

-Girl's House, Contributed by Girl

Your constant practice gave you brain damage.

Guy: Ugh...we have three hours of band practice tonight.
Girl: What time?
Guy: From seven to nine.
Girl: Um...that's only 2.
Guy: No...seven to eight, eight to nine...[long pause]...oh...yeah.

-Cafeteria

How endearing.

"So this girl walks up to me and was talking to me and all of a sudden I was just like 'Why are you talking to me? You're ugly. Go away.'"

- Dorm Hallway

An Independent Celebration....

Girl: Well, I guess they don't have a 4th of July, like, in Japan.

Happy 4th worldwide, and happy Independence Day in the US.....

Also, 10,000!!!!!!!!!!!! Horray for Independent blogging!!!!!

Plato, god of the underworld

Girl 1[doing a crossword]: Who is Pluto?
Girl 2: If you don't know, you're hopeless.
Girl 1: Why?
Girl 2: He was a philosopher guy.
Girl 1: No, Pluto.
Girl 2: Yeah.

- Farmers' Market

Math isn't important to be a SCHOLAR!!!!

{At GSP}

Guy: What is your phone number?
Girl: Guess it.
Guy: Yeah - like that's possible.
Girl: It is only 7 digits - well, 12 if you add an area code.

Hmmm...let's think on that one.

[Cafeteria is crowded and noisy.]
Guy: Everybody shut up!!! We're calling Quaker Oats to find out what oats are made of!

-Camp Cafeteria

The good old days back in the asylum...

[4 Girls are walking in Walmart. Girl 1 is marvelling at the white ceilings and floors.]
Girl 1: Oh! I love white. It reminds me of asylums and that just makes me giddy.

-Walmart

...and Winn Dixie.

Guy 1: Walmart is going to buy the United Nations and become the antichrist!
Guy 2: Screw Walmart! Bring back the Piggly Wiggly.

-Classroom

contributed by stacy