That makes it better, I suppose.

[Guy says something horrible.]
Girl: You just have no soul!
Guy: Yes I do - I have a kitten. Wanna see a picture?

Indeed it is.....

Guy: There school is so much worser than ours is!

- Phone

Actually, he's a figment of my imagination.

Girl: I'm going to cut your head off and feed it to my cat! Actually, I don't have a cat. Actually, I do. Actually, his name's Tom, but I haven't seen him for 2 months.

- H. English III

Destrooooooy!

[Girl and Guy are talking on the phone, about something mildly normal.]
Guy [suddenly]: DESTROY!!!!!!!!!!! Oh...sorry...I got too excited.

- Phone

Next it'll be "the flu" or something...

"Now he's just making up diseases to skip school. Like 'pneumonia'. What the heck is pneumonia?!"

-Hallway, Before 1st Block

Mhmm.

Girl: So one time I was eating popcorn in my room and and I threw a piece into the air to catch it in my mouth but dropped it behind me so I reached back there and picked up what I thought was popcorn but it was like dirt or poop or something off my boot and that's when I started throwing up and my friend was like, "Chocolate?! Where did you get chocolate!? You didn't tell me you had that, I want some!"

- Honors English III

What is next, the Easter Bunny isn't REAL?!?!?!

Teacher: I brought you Easter candy. Wait - can I say that? Yeah, I guess I can, it is just a holiday. It isn't religious.

- AP English

That would help.....

Lady: What is Susan's last name?
Guy: Susan who?

- Dinner

Perhaps.

[Guy is mumbling, and Girl cannot understand him.]
Girl: Ugh, you have a serious problem with diction.
Guy: Oh my gosh...Is that like a disease or something?!

Void.

[Two High School boys are talking.]
Guy 1: So you're going to go see your girlfriend...at the MIDDLE school?
Guy 2: Uh...yeah.
Guy 1: Ew, she's like in eighth or seventh or sixth grade....
Guy 2: Yeah, but she is HOT.
Guy 1: Dude, that doesn't matter. You have...facial hair! That makes her hotness void.

- Band Hall

Which Story?

"That's such a funny story! That's one of those stories that when you go home and eat macaroni later you won't be able to help but laugh and laugh and laugh. Ha!"

- Honors English III

Good plan.

Guy 1: Did you just...eat that cheeseburger whole?
Guy 2: Yeah.
[awkward pause]
Guy 2: Let's go do something stupid.

-House Party, Contributed by Libby
We love contributions. Seriously, contribute.
Do it here.

...you freak of nature.

Girl 1: Here's something I bet you can't do! No one could do it at school today. No one!
Girl 2: What is it?
Girl 1: Try sitting on the floor, twirling your foot in a circle, and drawing a figure eight in the air with your finger.
[Girl 2 immediately starts to do so with ease.]
Girl 1: Wow! That is so weird! Oh my gosh, can you lick your elbow?!?

-Late at Night

He was the greatest.

Girl: Yeah, I LOVE Amish people. One time, I even taught this Amish kid how to play Halo. It was SO cool. Yeah, so was he. He had like these little black pants and this little black hat and stuff and he even had a cast on his arm from where he fell down from the barn loft...

-Honors English III

Errors in Translation

Teacher: So sine, cosine, and tangent are the three main things to know in trigonometry. (Writing on board) Sine is opposite over hypotenuse (o/h). Cosine is adjacent over hypotenuse (a/h), and tangent is opposite over adjacent (o/a).
Student: Can't you remember it by saying "so cah toa?"
Teacher: Yes, but I don't like that. It doesn't make any sense...
Korean Exchange Student: Is that English?!

-Precalculus

Love, Peace, and Protest.

Daughter: Wake up, Dad! Look at this show that's just come on television. They say they're gonna relive the 1960s!
Dad: In that case, I'll just go back to sleep.

-Living Room

A real catch.

[Kindergarten student, to Sunday school teacher]

Student: Guess what!?
Teacher: What?
Student: I've got a girlfriend.
Teacher: Really?
Student: Yeah, you want to know where she lives?
Teacher: Sure.
Student: You know that road where I live?
Teacher: Yes.
Student: Do you know that house with all the junk in the yard?
Teacher: Yes, I'm afraid so.
Student: Well that's where she lives.

-Sunday School

Of course that's the reason.

"Yeah, we don't even have all the right household products to make a bomb at my house. I think it's because I was homeschooled."

-Second Block

Pardon?

Student: Man, Mark Twain was a drunk!!
Teacher: I don't know about that, but a lot of writers were: Ernest Hemingway, Poe...
Student: What?! The Pope was a drunk!?

- English II