And now for a bit of politically correct humor...

Girl 1: Why do women not wear watches?
Girl 2: Why?
Girl 1: ...because there's a clock on the stove. You want to hear something funny?!
Girl 2: Yeah.
Girl 1: Women's Rights!!
[both laugh]

-Government

...sounds like a plan.

"I love using a GPS! When I get a GPS I'm going to get lost on purpose!"

-Greenhouse Tech

submitted by Stacy

That's my kind of party.

Girl: I want to go home and take and Advil and go to the buffet."

-Geometry

Way to tell us now!

"So there was this girl at the fair who [was really creeping me out] so I got an electric fence from one of the shows and a portable generator and carried it around with me in case she ever came near me....I just totally made all that up."

- Lunch

That's comforting...

Girl 1: She called me a freak!!
Girl 2: Why would she do a thing like that?
Girl 1: ...because of the way my boyfriend talks to me. He growls at me.
Girl 3: How does that make you a freak? I growl all the time!

- Auditorium

That's one theory....

"He only had one arm? That probably has something to do with the alcohol...."

-Hallway

That's glamorous these days.

Girl: Why did you name the cat Jasmine?
Mom: You know, like Princess Jasmine.
Girl: But she's a stray! And she has a bald tail!!

-Girl's House

Tomorrow's forecast...

Old Woman 1: Boy, it sure is windy outside!
[Pause]
Old Woman 2: No, I think tomorrow's Thursday...

- Church Dinner

Philosophically, then?

[Our grade is called suddenly to an assembly.]
Guy: Hey, do you know why we're here?
Girl: Are you asking that literally or philosophically?
Guy: What about my esophagus?

-Audotorium, 3rd Block

It's the new zoo.

Girl: Ugh...I'm so bored! I'm going to go make funny faces at the freshmen in the hallway.

-Spanish

So it could mean anything...

Guy: Yeah, I really despise her. And I don't even know what "despise" means.

-Testing Review (UGH)

The goat's innocent...

[A girl is deep in conversation, these lines surface quite loudly.]

"...and I told her, "Don't curse the goat, you shouldn't have leaned in that close!!"

- Honors Biology

A short-lived need for equality

"That was a racist remark. Oh nevermind...I don't even care."

-Geometry

That's rule #4...duh.

Teacher: Chuck Norris moves are not allowed in class...now please take a seat!

- Third Block

I'll give you a hint...

Teacher: ...now be careful of that, or you'll fail the class.
Guy: Why are you looking at me like that? I ain't done nothing!
Teacher: That was your conscience, son.
Guy: My conscience?!? What the heck's a conscience? I ain't got one of those...

- 4th block

Those go hand-in-hand.

Girl 1: Do you have any gum?
Girl 2: No! And I don't have a tumor either!

-After Lunch

Gluttony, greed, envy, wearing black with brown...

Girl: Wearing black with brown is, like, a sin.
Guy 1: So you're telling me that if I wear black and brown that God will condemn me to the fiery pits of Hell?!
Girl: No, it's like a fashion-sin, duh...
Guy 2: ...meaning Aéropostale will come down and kick your butt...

- Government

'To serve and protect.'

Girl: The main reason I don't want to be a police officer is because they'd stick me on night shift in the ghetto. I'd be scared!!

- Lexington Ghetto

The Ultimate Sandwich

Guy 1: It's just like a Big Mac, without the hamburger, the cheese, the lettuce, the tomatoes, the pickles, or the ketchup.
Girl: Then it's not a Big Mac!
Guy 1: Oh, but yes it is, because you've got a piece of bread, some peanut butter, some honey, another piece of bread, more peanut butter, more honey, and, umm... chocolate chips. Then, you have the last piece of bread. Then you top it off with... umm...
Guy 2: Powdered sugar?
Guy 1: Yes, that's genius! ...powdered sugar, then you toast it!! Then you stick a toothpick in it, a toothpick with one of those little flags. And do you know what would be on that flag? Not America, not Germany, but my face! ... Now that's the best sandwich in the world.

- After Lunch

For our consistant readers, I'll note that this is, of course, Sandwich Friend.

You will do even better the NEXT time around too....

{Girl just spoke up with an answer in Math class. She was asked how she knew the answer.}

'Well, this is the second time I have been here....'

Now THAT is classy....

{Girl got her nose pierced, and it is her first day with it.}

Teacher: So, {Girl} what is to stop you from just piercing everything pierced - eyebrow, lip, or whatever else?
Girl: That would just be trashy!

How Dreamy...Part II

Girl: So I had a dream that somebody stabbed this little mentally retarded girl with a screwdriver...in her skull. It was AWFUL!
Guy: Was it a Phillipshead or a Flathead?
Girl: I don't know...I was watching from my doublewide...But the night before that I dreamed that my Mom's preschool started enforcing the death penalty.
- Chamber Group

How Dreamy...Part I

Girl: I keep dreaming about babies...I think that means something about DEATH!!!!

- Downstairs Bathroom

No...he was eaten by a goat.

Girl 1: How did they kill him?
Girl 2: They shot him with a paintball gun.
Girl 3: No! They slammed his head in the trunk of the car!!
- Library

It hit me...8 times.

"I think the worst thing I ever did was kill that octopus..."

-World Civ.

"It waddles."

Guy: If I had a wiener dog, I'd kill it. I hate those little dogs.
Girl: Oh, my sister has a wiener dog!! ...it's obese, though. You should see it when it runs... it waddles. It's hilarious.

-World Civ

Agreed.

[Two girls are studying a bag of Green Giant Peas.]
Girl 1: Look! This picture is enlarged to show detail.
Girl 2: How much detail is there in a pea?
Girl 1: Well...they're big...and green...and DIS-GUS-TING!!!
- In front of the freezer

That's precisely what he meant.

Teacher: Explain what Gandhi meant by, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
Guy: Oh, oh, I know!!
Teacher: Yes?
Guy: It means if somebody does something to you, then you get back at them, then they're getting back at you, and you get back at them, then they're mad at you, and on and on and on... and eventually, you ain't got no eyes.
Teacher: Umm... No.

- World Civ

Well, you're missing the parenting classes.

Woman 1: Where did you go, [Woman 2]?
Woman 2: To take care of my son.
Woman 1: Awww...is he sick?
Woman 2: No...he's a lazy imbecile.
- After Easter

Oh. No.

[An older man is leading a small boy through the store. The boy turns to talk to someone who is apparently his own age, but he finds he isn't there.]
Boy: Grandpa, where's [Emmit]?!
["Grandpa" looks around, then looks startled.]
Grandpa: I don't know. Where is [Emmit]?!!
["Grandpa" begins to search, frantically.]

-Lowes

Five Months of Eavesdroppers

Today is the five month birthday of Eavesdroppers! Just in time, we reached 4,000 hits last night. We hope that you'll help us keep it up. Each month, we're getting a bigger and bigger fan base. Hopefully we can continue to grow...with your help. Tell your friends! Post it on your website! Visit regularly!
Also, we've recently added About Eavesdroppers, a site that tells all about the history of Eavesdroppers and answers common questions. This is also a place where you can contribute anything you might have overheard, which will help us post even more.
I suppose that I should include the usual stats...[they are at the time of my post]:
Total page views: 4,103
Total Unique Visitors: 1,701
Total Posts: 217
For the last month we've been getting 75 or more visitors almost every day...we've gone over 100 quite a few times now. Help us keep this up! Also remember that you can always view the latest stats here.

Eavesdrop on...
Maggini-in-Tweed
R.Burns
Offshelf

Someone doesn't know something...

[A girl and an older woman are looking at some dolls.]

Woman motioning toward a specific doll: Look! That one looks Chinese!
Girl: ...but it has yellow hair.
Woman: Well, whoever made that doll didn't know what they were doing, because Chinese people don't have yellow hair.

-Psalter House

Munchies....

{Saturdays at the grocery are sample days, and while I refrain, apparently others don't.}

Lady: (scooping small cups of ice cream) I can't work with that new girl, she eats my samples faster than I can make them!!

Gladly.

[Some music is playing at the end of class.]

Girl: Get out of my way! I don't have enough room to do the robot!
- Biology

A problem, no?

[Someone has just been talking about how each new thing you learn puts a new wrinkle in your brain...]

Guy: I've found that when I comb my hair, it smoothes my brain.

- 3rd Block

I AM politically correct.

Girl: Hey, hey [Luke], is your sister a Junior?
Guy: Is my sister a what? A Jew? ... Why do people hate Jews?! I don't, I love all people, especially Jews.

- Government

Maybe Regular stamps....

{in doctor's office - lady just got told her insurance was only going to pay 1/2 of a $1000 medical bill}

Lady (to daughter): Well!! You would think that with all of the inbreds and degenerates in {Town} that they would accept food stamps!!!

...and rightly so.

[We have just gotten the proofs for our school pictures.]

"Whoa! My picture makes me look mentally retarded...that's AWESOME!!!"

- World Civ.