I mean, come ON.

"So this woman...well, really it was this 45-year-old guy who really liked to dance...but really what's the difference?"

-HOBY

Yes, from Voyager.

[Girl says something very self-centered.]

Intellectual: Well, guess what? Copernicus called, and it turns out that you are NOT the center of the universe!
Girl: Who is Copernicus? OH WAIT! Isn't he from Startrek?

-Phone

"Africa's a continent, honey."

[The class has learned that two exchange students from Ethiopia will be joining us for class, two girls are then talking about it.]

Girl 1: Ethiopia and Africa are the same.
Girl 2: No they're not. [Teacher], tell her that Ethiopia and Africa are two different countries!!
Girl 3: Africa's a continent, honey.
Teacher: Yes, she's right. Ethiopia is a nation.
Girl 2: What?

-Humanities

The Great Wall of China always gets me, too.

Guy 1: I was reading this thing about the Panama Canal where they...
Guy 2: Hey, isn't that in the U.S.?!
Guy 1: No, it's... man, I can never remember where it is. Somewhere in South America.

-Humanities

If you say so...

Girl: My boyfriend's so hot that it's like dating someone off the Disney Channel.

-Spanish

Please don't become a pilot....

Girl 1: Why do you have a southern accent if you are from Arkansas?
Teacher: Where do you think Arkansas is?
Girl 1: Ummm....up there by Washington (the state)?
Girl 2: NO! It is up by Michigan!

- Algebra

That explains it....

[Working on a Physics lab. The goal was to figure out how to make something work, without being told what to do.]

"COME ON, GUYS! We should be able to get this. We are physicians!"

- Physics

What's wrong with your dog?

Girl: Oh! I just stepped in dog poo. No wait, it was only pineapple.

-Cafeteria

This is just not right....

Guy: Have you read Moby Dick?
Girl: Are you talking about the detective, or are you being dirty?

- Cafeteria

Maybe you are now, though.

[Girl is walking alone.]
Girl: I'm not going to rehab! Ugh!

-Cafeteria

ANYTHING but that....

Guy 1: If my girlfriend was a Disney character, she would be the little mermaid.
Guy 2: Yeah? What would mine be?
Guy 1: I don't know, I am thinking the Cheshire Cat.

-Physics

Why would they do that?

[A man is driving his daughters to school. Every morning, he takes a different route to the school.]

Girl: Why don't you ever take the same route twice?! It drives me crazy.
Man: Yeah, but when you don't establish a pattern, it's harder for them to bushwhack you!

-Inside a Truck

Washington: Drawn and Quartered

[Discussing prisoners of war in the American Revolution.]

Teacher: Did you know that George Washington was drawn and quartered?
[Class is silent for a minute, then slowly begins to chuckle.]
Girl 1: What?! He was?!
Teacher [laughing]: Yes...
Girl 1: That's terrible... What do you mean?
Girl 2: You get it... he was drawn and put on a quarter. He's on the quarter, you know?
Girl 1: He is?
Girl 3: How sad...

-AP U.S. History

Common mistake.

Girl: I didn't so much fall as I didn't realize the ground was right there behind me...

-Math Class

Contributed by Katie

[via phone]

That would make me emo too....

"There are some emo kids you just want to give $5 - and a gift card to cosmic."

- Lunch

Yeah, get OVER it.

"He was like 'I can't eat because my arms are broken!' and I was like 'Suck it up, you pansy!"

-AP U.S. History

Snazzy.

"Okay, if you ever want to looke really sharp, here's what to do. find a pink tuxedo...a bright one, not a lame one. Okay, then get yourself a lime green tuxedo jacket, and lime green tuxedo pants with a big pink stripe down the side. Then get some blindingly shiny white shoes with little sparkly gold tassles. That would be fancy...like a gay leprechaun with bling."

-Psychology

Take that.

[Girls are having a conversation, Girl 1 is talking about something stupid.]
Girl 2: I'm going to post that on Eavesdroppers.
Girl 1: What?
Girl 2: Do you not HEAR yourself?

-AP U.S. History

Je ne sais pas. [I don't know.]

[Two girls are discussing French class.]

Girl 1: I do really well in French. I'm really good, "Bonjour, comment êtes-vous? Je suis bien... Au revoir."
Girl 2: I have no idea what you just said, but I do know one French word.
Girl 1: What's that?
Girl 2: Fiance.
Girl 1: What's that mean?
Girl 2: Fiance, you know?
Girl 1: Yeah, what does that mean?

-AP US History

Food Confusion

[In Spanish, some students are talking about the jobs they had this summer, and some things that they had to deal with.]

"What kind of dressing is on the Ranch BLT?" -McDonald's

"My ice cream tastes burnt...." -Quickie Mart

"What color is the orange Hi-C?" -McDonald's

-Spanish III

Just wanted to be the first to say...

[Leaving church this morning, a little old lady walks up and throws her arms around me.]

Lady [very loudly, she can't hear]: Happy birthday, honey!!
Me: Um... thanks.
Lady: Has your mom made you a cake yet?
Me: No, not yet.
Lady: Well, we're just going to have to get on her now, aren't we!?
Me: Probably.

[Note: My birthday is in February.]

-Church

I'm better because I'm humble.

[Students are asked to identify their hero and explain.]
Teacher: [Girl], who's your hero?
Girl: I don't have one.
Teacher: Meaning you think you're better than everyone?
Girl: Pretty much...I just don't look up to anyone at all.
Teacher: I thought so...too stuck-up for a hero.

- Psychology

Really?

[Two people are discussing their classes.]

Guy: Yeah, I failed English... and I ain't got no idea why, either!

-Hallway

I insulted you just there, duh.

[A guy wearing all black is walking towards the trash can, looking rather sad.]
Girl: [to friends] Eeeeeeeemmmmmoooooo!
[Guy is walking back from trash can, Girl's friends tell her to say sorry to him.]
Girl: Hey! I'm sorry.
Guy: ...For what?
Girl: Oh, I thought you heard the bad name I called you just then. But you didn't...good.
[Guy walks away, confused.]

Why else would she be there?

[In class, role is being called.]
Teacher: Rosita? . . . . Rosita?
Rosita's Friend: Oh, she went back to Mexico.
Teacher: Did she really?
Rosita's Friend: Yeah, but she'll be back.
Rosita's Friend [whispering to Girl]: Actually she's in juvie...
Girl: Why is she there?!
Rosita's Friend: She's under 18!

-Humanities

Back in School

Beginning today, the Eavesdroppers are back in school after the summer.

Teacher: Does anybody know who Genghis Kahn was?
Student 1: A Mongolian warrior?
Teacher: Yes... And this Mr. Genghis was a big, mean, nasty guy. Does anybody know where he went to?
Student 2: Hell?
Teacher: Well, I was going for Constantinople, but...

-A.P. Animal Sciences

Oh...how silly of me.

[Girl 1 is in Girl 2's room.]
Girl 1: What are you doing?
Girl 2: Putting my pants on.
Girl 1: What are you tucking in?
Girl 2: Just my fat.

-Girls' house

...and everything about music but sound.

Director: You know, I just love all the applications of math...except numbers.

-Drama Practice, contributed by Rachel

Contact Animal Control!

Girl: Look! A turtle shell! [pause] With a turtle in it!!!!!

-Contributed by Rachel, heard at the river